Five months...<3

So i thought i would check in with myself.. Its be a brutal five months..as i sit here with insomnia and full of missing KristaLeigh.. I look at the progress and think I've pulled on some magical strength that keeps me moving in a forward motion. I have come to accept that i could do nothing to fight for her.. She was gone before i was alerted.. Went from a place of blame to understanding.. I have accepted that she will not be coming back and that this hell i am living..isn't some horrible nightmare happening in my Subconscious mind. Its my reality. my harsh reality. My youngest is dead. And there is no pleading for her to just magically appear healthy and her bed..its empty..now..i just need to find myself again...to heal this broken raw and jaded heart of mine. Learn how to communicate my needs once more, to move from this dark soul ..back into a beacon of light. I was told by a very awesome man once.."you have to surround your self with people that have a fire burning in their soul..so when yours is just an smouldering ember it can be relit with just the heat alone.." -Pastor Dave Wood (WECA) ...so now i must get over the "isolating numbness" i call the new me..