...Fear...

"When Artist, write the soundtrack to your life"

I have been listening to this song since its release date..

 i have connected my grief to this song and using it as my anthem,

i was very selfish in my grief. 

i defended it. 

got mad when people wished it away for me..

i had to find the peace inside me..

she gave me this fortunate gift.. 

to love her,

as this storm is raging 

im chasing my rainbow..

to see color among the gray. 

swells..

the sways...

the fear...

but see...

we gotta move out of the fear of moving forward 

and thinking that we are forsaking our children..

let us seek peace.

let us seek solice

let us give our selves permission just to enjoy the moment again

the world crashed down once..

and we Rose again..

so .. know..

all you gotta do is get back up..

All rights goes to the original Artist.@blueoctoberband

Fear - Blue October

...I search for you everywhere...

...I Search for you Everywhere...

i search for you in the twilight of the morning...

as the stars fade into day...

I search for you in the designs of the clouds..

like art that i will never see you create...

I search for you in the song of the owls 

sharing their wisdom in their calls..

I search for you in the trees

as the wind dances in their branches.

I search for you over the ocean 

as the light dances on its surface..

I search for you when the sun kisses the Horizon

as the beautiful painting of colors...

yours is always Present.

I search for you in the Twilight

as the light kisses the dark..

for you Twinkle with the stars..

and dance with the moon..

I search for you...

EVERYWHERE.

(Picture taken : Parksville, BC) 

Fathers Day

<3

Fathers Day,

daddy should be cuddling you,

and soaking up your love..

but today we honor that love in other ways..

we laugh about the stories we had with you in womb

we find that the sorrow meets us today

with deep sadness that overwhelms..

He miss you 

More 

with every passing second.

...His Little Owl Blue...

He Misses you the most today

On Fathers day.

x†o

standing in the flames...Its a beautiful kind of pain..

I think Eminem has said alot in this song.. and coming from a place of grief and grace.
i really recongize the pain with this song,
and how beautiful it really truly is.
Kristaleigh's death has launched me into a whole different kind of pain..
and it is the most beautiful kind,
its taught me not to take everything for granted.
to love as deeply as i can
to hold on to the ones that raise me up when i have fallen...
and let go of the ones that Hinder my process
i stand with strength.
although the ground gets shaky my roots are deep here
I will continue to move forward in the ways
that my soul allows me.
i will grieve graciously.
Heal with Purpose.
I will Find the Light..
every chance i get...
<3

1st Easter...

Dear KristaLeigh Geniva Blue,

~†~

Daddy says: 
i wish you were here
celebrating our birthdays and Easter with us,
i love you and your always with me..
i feel you all the time.
Such a beautiful little girl..
mine forever.


Beautiful Reward says: 

happy Easter baby girl,
sister misses you so much,
i hope Jesus shared
some chocolate with you.
It very yummy. I love you!



Momma says: 

i love you darling girl,
my Gracious child,
i hope you have an amazing day.
Momma misses you.
I know its hard for me today to be with out you..
but i know that Jesus has a busy day for you up in heaven,
you get to learn how God sacrificed his only son,
Jesus to save the world's souls by dying for our sins on the cross..
i know it might be scary..
but it was important..
and in that fact i know that he hasn't left me..
he knows my pain with loosing you
understand the rage i at times have in missing you..
but everything will be alright..
Momma will work through the day..
Much Love sweet girl..
Shine On..
xox!!

~†~

Please dont tell me that time heals all wounds..Because that simply isn't true...

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.” 
― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

~†~

I am a mother earthly and spiritually..

I have a beautiful reward..

and a Gracious Child..

as time moves forward with Beautiful Reward...

I reflect over the moments with her.

some of the hurt that surfaced 

during that precious time..

simply a Cinderella story in 

Modern times..

Robbed of so much time..

time that doesn't get to be redone..

there's wounds there that will heal..

but scars remain..

but my love for her never changed..

just got deeper..

Then we were to add to her family

Our Gracious child.

a sister..

Robbed of time once again..

so when you tell me that time heals all wounds..

i must simply disagree..

Triggering words to the highest degree..

for that is what 

I'm Truly Mourning..

TIME,..

~†~

“Time is the longest distance between two places.” 
― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie

~†~

I am mourning the time 

that i got robbed from me..

that i don't get to have the firsts 

I don't get to watch my gracious child fall in love with her new world.

there are a lot of things that i don't get..

I know i will experience them with beautiful reward...

but my mind and spirit goes to her..

the moments that will be special to Beautiful Reward..

Gracious child doesn't get to lively experience.

and that time..i so desperately wanted..

I was denied.

~†~

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Kennedy

~†~

But in her time away from me... 

I know deep in my soul..

That she got to see how the snowflakes are made..

That she got to see the start of time...to all that will be..

She has her Angel Tinkering Tools.

That she can bring comfort to those who need them..

she will be learning too

But for such a Higher Meaning...

but in my case...

Time still Hurts.


~†~

Gracious

~†~

  Gracious

"..This song..

has spoken deeply to my grief..

i find my self lost in this song..

as well as many of 

Ben Howard's 

other melodies.

 including the song 

"depth over distance".."

My Sweet 

KristaLeigh Geniva Blue

thank you for the visit today

and showing her your lovely sweet heart song

My Heavenly child.

I adore you.

<3

~†~

(i lay no claim to this song.music or the lyrics in the above video.

please support the artist and purchase the Album.

Ben Howard - Gracious)