Include you in all i do..

Christmas, i should be picking out your christmas dress with great excitement, and the cuteness you would be showing now..telling momma and daddy stories..in lillerones form. What is your beautiful personality??..i miss you KristaLeigh..my sweet girl. Rest easy. 

Hopeful Hearts and Shattered Glass..

Just let me feel what i feel. 

let me feel like the words 

"...sometimes it just happens..babies die..

with no rhyme or Reason..."

"Unknown Cause.."

brings me back to the day she passed

with all the pain that rushed in,

dont down play it..

With phrases like

"You wouldnt find peace in 

Knowing either, you would continue to ask why.."

You dont know my heart. 

You dont. 

Let me feel what i feel

Your words are unhelpful. 

Let me be.

"...the pain hurts you More than
the shattered glass that you walk on
and you see your Reflection
only part of who you used to be before..."
Shattered Glass - M.L. Smith

Five months...<3

So i thought i would check in with myself.. Its be a brutal five months..as i sit here with insomnia and full of missing KristaLeigh.. I look at the progress and think I've pulled on some magical strength that keeps me moving in a forward motion. I have come to accept that i could do nothing to fight for her.. She was gone before i was alerted.. Went from a place of blame to understanding.. I have accepted that she will not be coming back and that this hell i am living..isn't some horrible nightmare happening in my Subconscious mind. Its my reality. my harsh reality. My youngest is dead. And there is no pleading for her to just magically appear healthy and her bed..its empty..now..i just need to find myself again...to heal this broken raw and jaded heart of mine. Learn how to communicate my needs once more, to move from this dark soul ..back into a beacon of light. I was told by a very awesome man once.."you have to surround your self with people that have a fire burning in their soul..so when yours is just an smouldering ember it can be relit with just the heat alone.." -Pastor Dave Wood (WECA) ...so now i must get over the "isolating numbness" i call the new me..