Fathers Day

<3

Fathers Day,

daddy should be cuddling you,

and soaking up your love..

but today we honor that love in other ways..

we laugh about the stories we had with you in womb

we find that the sorrow meets us today

with deep sadness that overwhelms..

He miss you 

More 

with every passing second.

...His Little Owl Blue...

He Misses you the most today

On Fathers day.

x†o

standing in the flames...Its a beautiful kind of pain..

I think Eminem has said alot in this song.. and coming from a place of grief and grace.
i really recongize the pain with this song,
and how beautiful it really truly is.
Kristaleigh's death has launched me into a whole different kind of pain..
and it is the most beautiful kind,
its taught me not to take everything for granted.
to love as deeply as i can
to hold on to the ones that raise me up when i have fallen...
and let go of the ones that Hinder my process
i stand with strength.
although the ground gets shaky my roots are deep here
I will continue to move forward in the ways
that my soul allows me.
i will grieve graciously.
Heal with Purpose.
I will Find the Light..
every chance i get...
<3

1st Easter...

Dear KristaLeigh Geniva Blue,

~†~

Daddy says: 
i wish you were here
celebrating our birthdays and Easter with us,
i love you and your always with me..
i feel you all the time.
Such a beautiful little girl..
mine forever.


Beautiful Reward says: 

happy Easter baby girl,
sister misses you so much,
i hope Jesus shared
some chocolate with you.
It very yummy. I love you!



Momma says: 

i love you darling girl,
my Gracious child,
i hope you have an amazing day.
Momma misses you.
I know its hard for me today to be with out you..
but i know that Jesus has a busy day for you up in heaven,
you get to learn how God sacrificed his only son,
Jesus to save the world's souls by dying for our sins on the cross..
i know it might be scary..
but it was important..
and in that fact i know that he hasn't left me..
he knows my pain with loosing you
understand the rage i at times have in missing you..
but everything will be alright..
Momma will work through the day..
Much Love sweet girl..
Shine On..
xox!!

~†~

Please dont tell me that time heals all wounds..Because that simply isn't true...

“There comes a time when the world gets quiet and the only thing left is your own heart. So you'd better learn the sound of it. Otherwise you'll never understand what it's saying.” 
― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen

~†~

I am a mother earthly and spiritually..

I have a beautiful reward..

and a Gracious Child..

as time moves forward with Beautiful Reward...

I reflect over the moments with her.

some of the hurt that surfaced 

during that precious time..

simply a Cinderella story in 

Modern times..

Robbed of so much time..

time that doesn't get to be redone..

there's wounds there that will heal..

but scars remain..

but my love for her never changed..

just got deeper..

Then we were to add to her family

Our Gracious child.

a sister..

Robbed of time once again..

so when you tell me that time heals all wounds..

i must simply disagree..

Triggering words to the highest degree..

for that is what 

I'm Truly Mourning..

TIME,..

~†~

“Time is the longest distance between two places.” 
― Tennessee Williams, The Glass Menagerie

~†~

I am mourning the time 

that i got robbed from me..

that i don't get to have the firsts 

I don't get to watch my gracious child fall in love with her new world.

there are a lot of things that i don't get..

I know i will experience them with beautiful reward...

but my mind and spirit goes to her..

the moments that will be special to Beautiful Reward..

Gracious child doesn't get to lively experience.

and that time..i so desperately wanted..

I was denied.

~†~

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Kennedy

~†~

But in her time away from me... 

I know deep in my soul..

That she got to see how the snowflakes are made..

That she got to see the start of time...to all that will be..

She has her Angel Tinkering Tools.

That she can bring comfort to those who need them..

she will be learning too

But for such a Higher Meaning...

but in my case...

Time still Hurts.


~†~

Gracious

~†~

  Gracious

"..This song..

has spoken deeply to my grief..

i find my self lost in this song..

as well as many of 

Ben Howard's 

other melodies.

 including the song 

"depth over distance".."

My Sweet 

KristaLeigh Geniva Blue

thank you for the visit today

and showing her your lovely sweet heart song

My Heavenly child.

I adore you.

<3

~†~

(i lay no claim to this song.music or the lyrics in the above video.

please support the artist and purchase the Album.

Ben Howard - Gracious)

I am Rooted..I am..

~†~

Rooted.

I am rooted..

deep into the earth.

as my world shakes

my weather is stormy..

I am Rooted..

Like a mighty Pine.

I am rooted.

At times i may feel like 

they aren't strong enough

But i dig my roots deeper.

into Mother earth..

as her 

Love Keeps Me Kind.

I hunker down 

Sending my roots deeper.

as anchors 

Holding me Near.

~†~

8 Months..

its been eight months.

eight months with this brokeness that grows..

with each ticking clock 

that passes

Eight Months..

without you.

Miss you sweet KristaLeigh.

<3

Valentines Day.

                   Today is love day

                       Sweet Girl,

     Although you are only here in spirit 

              Our love travels with you.

          We feel your love surround us

                              <3

sleepless nights..and broken hearts...

As the morning twilight starts to form by the horizon

my heart doesn't want to rest..

it just plays your memory over and over.

and my body aches for you..

empty arms..

teary eyes..

Miss you my sweet child

i feel like you were stolen from my love.

and the walls fight with me..

do you miss me too?..

little absent kicks..

heartbeats stop..

emptiness fills..

with a silence so loud its deafening..

oh sweet child.

what i would do just to hear you..

giggle.

What i would do..

to see you fall in love with this world..

What i would do..

to hold you..

to kiss you.

My Sweet Girl.

Right Here...

You are not with me

In flesh or bone..

But your spirit is

Right here

<3

Fights and chaos.

Its not always easy to communicate what i need and at times its even hard for your dad to hear those needs...we do our best to love one another through this tragic time away from you. We forget to be gentle with ourselves. And at times i have to remember he is mourning the loss of you. And at times i feel limited by that mourning also. I feel like i dont get the chance to have a quiet moment or a loud moment. The constant worry about it all is that i will just finally snap. And it will all be for nothing. And i dont want to get to that point. I need to create that space again where i can find "sanctuary" so i can find my sanity again. To center myself and ground my feet because my ledge is narrowing..im climbing..and at times im falling.. The anxiety overwhelms my mind and frantic sets in.. And as much as we want to honour our love for you by staying united and together.. At times we just need that "time to be with ourselves" but we find that distraction..or friction..and we collide and clash and bend..and the thunder rumbles and the lighting flashes the stormy skies in rage and hurt follows closely as the strikes hit our already scorched shores..wounds open wide that we so desperately want to scar over...We will see ourselves through this storm. i love you Krista Leigh Geniva Blue. <3